A dark force threatens Alpha, a vast metropolis and home to species from
a thousand planets. Special operatives Valerian and Laureline must race
to identify the marauding menace and safeguard not just Alpha, but the
future of the universe.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)
Stars:
Language:
Release Date:
21 July 2017 (USA)
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Also Known As:
Valérian
Filming Locations:
Box Office
Budget:
€197.000.000
(estimated)
Production Co:
VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS is the new adventure film
from Luc Besson, the director of The Professional, The Fifth Element and
Lucy, based on the comic book series which inspired a generation of
artists, writers and filmmakers. In the 28th century, Valerian (Dane
DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevingne) are a team of special operatives
charged with maintaining order throughout the human territories. Under
assignment from the Minister of Defense, the two embark on a mission to
the astonishing city of Alpha-an ever-expanding metropolis where species
from all over the universe have converged over centuries to share
knowledge, intelligence and cultures with each other. There is a mystery
at the center of Alpha, a dark force which threatens the peaceful
existence of the City of a Thousand Planets, and Valerian and Laureline
must race to identify the marauding menace and safeguard not just Alpha,
but the future of the universe.
The Razzies don't need to wait until the end of the year to anoint a winner for 2017. The Golden Turkey Awards should
be republished with a new cover. Euro-trash is back, while sci-fi will
need to lick its wounds for a while. Dane DeHaan, who has starred in two
of the most egregiously bloated misfires of the year with A Cure for Wellness and
now this, should do a couple of indie films, while Cara Delevingne
needs to learn there is more to acting than smirking and eye-rolling.
Rihanna should pretend this never happened. And the Hollywood studio
chiefs can breathe easy that, this time, at least, they'll escape blame
for making a giant summer franchise picture that nobody wants to see,
since this one's a French import.
Yes, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets really
is that bad, bad enough that you don't know for the longest time that
Valerian is one of the lead characters and not a planet or a spaceship.
Sporting special effects and sets that smack of 50-year-old Barbarella-style tackiness, Luc
Besson's $200-million eyesore will barely trigger a momentary blip on
the American box-office radar screen, leaving Besson with the lone hope
that there are parts of the world where the entertainment tastes remain,
ahem, less discriminating.
The comic book-based Valerian et Laureline, created by Pierre Christin and drawn by Jean-Claude Mezieres, was
a fan favorite in Europe from its debut in 1967 through 21 volumes,
ending in 2010. For whatever reason, Besson hasn't cast leads who
remotely approximate the looks of the comics' characters; Valerian on
the page is a black-haired he-man, not a brownish-blond kid with the
physique of a 1950s teenager, while Laureline's flaming long red hair
has not been adopted by cat-like blonde model Delevingne.
But these differences are nothing compared
to the staggering deficiencies of the screenplay, which Besson chose to
write alone; any collaborator would have been able to point out that
what the auteur has written provides absolutely no entry point into the
would-be story that leapfrogs from 1975 to the 28th century with a few
pit-stops in between. Given all the different worlds and populations on
view, some witty exposition might have been useful, but the summarizing
is saved until the end, by which time it scarcely matters. At no point
along the way does the film provide a reason to invest your interest in
any of this.
To pretend that there's a plausible or
comprehensible narrative line to the film would be a punishable
misrepresentation. At the outset, one is presented with an Edenic beach
society made up of pale, slinky and hairless supermodel types where also
to be found are pearl-like spheres of very special value and a rare
converter of some kind that needs to be delivered to the apparent center
of civilization on an enormous space station called Alpha.
What ensues is unclear, unfun,
indecipherable, indigestible and, before long, an excellent sedative;
anyone who could clearly lay out what takes place in this narrative in
25 words or less would deserve a small prize. Valerian and Laureline are
armed forces “special operatives” who take orders via video screen
from, of all people, musician Herbie Hancock. As the latter only pops up
on a few occasions, the rest of the time it's unclear what the two
leads' mission really is, as they seem to be shifting gears and tending
to new emergencies every few minutes.
During lulls in the action, there are
bumbling attempts at what seems to be Besson's notion of romantic banter
between the two leads, with Valerian awkwardly gurgling sentiments
about settling down somewhere (and where would that be?), while
Laureline looks disdainfully skyward as the man-child eats her dust. Any
old hack Hollywood screenwriter could have rewritten the “romantic”
interchanges here to infinitely better effect in one night's
bourbon-fueled effort.
Along the way, there's a pit-stop in a
naughty district, where a guy named Jolly the Pimp (a brassy Ethan
Hawke) draws back the curtain on a singer-dancer of shape-shifting
talents (Rihanna) and, ultimately, a bad guy does emerge in the form of
the top-dog military commander (Clive Owen). But by this time, most
viewers will have long since checked out, as nothing ever seems remotely
at stake due to a narrative whose navigator has lost his way and a
drummer who's dropped both sticks.
The 3D here proves largely inconsequential but at least provides a minor distraction from the looming creative void.
Technical review
Production companies: Valerian S.A.S., TF1 Films
Distributor: STX Films
Cast: Dane Dehaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Rihanna, Ethan Hawke,
Herbie Hancock, Kris Wu, Sam Spruell, Alain Chabat, Rutger Hauer
Director: Luc Besson
Screenwriter: Luc Besson, based on the comic book series Valerian and Laureline by Pierre Christin and Jean-Claude Meziers
Producers: Luc Besson, Virginie Besson-Silla
Executive producers: Mark Gao, Gregory Ouanhon, JC Cheng
Director of photography: Thierry Arbogast
Production designer: Hugues Tissandier
Costume designer: Olivier Beriot
Editor: Julien Rey
Music: Alexandre Desplat
Visual effects supervisor: Scott Stokdyk
Casting: Nathalie Cheron-Arda
Rated PG-13, 137 minutes
5/10 genre
5/10 overall
Not really a movie that I can recommend but at least all fans of the comic genre will have fun.
Thanks for reading and have fun watching movies.
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